Milestones …some are anticipated and celebrated with joy such as my baby granddaughter’s first steps; some slip by unnoticed until later when you realize that was the last time with a loved one; while others are bittersweet reminders of the race of time. Markers of what has come before and a pause before the door of what is to come.
I recall feeling intense sadness on the eve of Micah’s fourth birthday as I pondered the reality that he had fewer words at almost age four than he had when he was two years old. Such was the path that autism took in his life. The words were there, then they slowly disappeared, taking parts of the little boy we knew with them. I wondered at the time, what else would disappear; where were we headed on this journey with autism? Fear was a frequent companion.
Fast forward to Micah’s 30th birthday earlier this month. As I looked around the room full of family and friends there to celebrate his 30 year milestone, I was reminded that with all the losses associated with autism, there have been many unanticipated blessings: a room full of people who came out to celebrate Micah on a snowy December day.; many others who love him just as solidly from afar; therapists and aides who have become important parts of our family, some for a season and others who are lifers; church members who sneak him extra treats when they think I am not looking. Recently, I would add the group of fellow parents who I meet with to work to establish long term housing options for adults with developmental disabilities because we are all too aware that we are unlikely to outlive our children. We share the critical goal of making sure our children are as secure as possible before we leave our parenting roles. Yes, there have been many who have enriched our lives, all blessings reflected upon as my youngest son hit the big 3 0.
What I have learned since the eve of Micah’s fourth birthday is that, while the journey is still filled with more questions than answers, I have peace that God has had a plan despite my floundering and fears for Micah’s future. Acknowledging that I wish I have control, but realistically have none, has been a healthy step forward with living with the unknowns of his future. Milestones give us a chance to pause and reflect on the blessings that we have missed in the midst of doing life with autism. December 3rd was a milestone to remember. The future is to be trusted to God. He has got it and thankfully, I am not in control.
Jan Lessard Peightell December 11, 2023