Micah was fourteen years old when his father died, thus it occurred to me earlier this month that at twenty eight, he has now lived over half his life without his father. It is hard to determine how much he remembers about his father, I do quiz him from time to time by pointing to his Dad in photos to see if Micah will still say “Dad” and he does, but I also remember him calling one of his former male teachers who had a beard “Dad”. He might have been confused or perhaps he was just hoping that the teacher was his missing father. I do know that he had a special bond with his father; even when Gary was really sick towards the end of his life, all he needed to do was whisper and Micah listened and obeyed. Certainly not his reaction to my requests, which he happily ignores quite often.
But the milestone of fourteen years led me to ponder the many people who have stepped up to help me parent Micah since his father died. His older brothers and sisters, uncles, aunts, aides who have been like family, professionals, and at times, even random strangers have entered our lives to assist. Truly it has taken a village to keep Micah safe and well and I know that help from others has been indispensable. But today I want to give a special shout out to Dean as he knew when he married me that Micah and I were a package deal, and sometimes this package is hard and messy to live with (and that is just the me part)!
I know Dean thinks I am far too lenient with Micah, and truth be told, I sometimes am, but there is a balance between realistic expectations and energy to expend. I think Dean understands that better now than when we first married as he has learned that this parenting is a marathon not a sprint. But Dean does point out behaviors that are concerning or potentially dangerous that I have overlooked or worse yet, have actually not noticed without his input. Dean has learned to live in a house where certain foods are hidden or they will disappear. Odd realities of daily living such as making sure you do not leave a cup of coffee on the counter as it is likely to disappear and the cup will be in the dishwasher, leaving one to wonder, “did I actually finish that coffee,” are our normal.
On the plus side, Dean spends hours opening and maintaining our swimming pool which is Micah’s happy place, although Dean does not swim in it. Each Sunday Dean makes sure he has a box of Altoids at church to allow us to dole out a supply as needed to refocus Micah when he starts to get agitated. I am sure that there are countless other ways that he makes life with us easier by what he does to help, or consciously chooses not to comment on because there are no ready solutions.
So tonight I send a shout out to all who have stepped up to help me on this parenting journey these past fourteen years. There are far too many to name, but you know who you are; Micah’s village. Some have helped for a season, others like Dean have been in the trenches with me through thick and thin, helping to make this journey not only possible, but filled with unexpected blessings along the way. To each of you I send deep thanks.
Jan Lessard Peightell May 25, 2022