From the moment my step daughter Jamie introduced me to the show Downton Abbey, I was hooked, eagerly awaiting each new episode. The delicious characters became fictional friends that provided a lovely weekly escape to a life and time totally foreign to current reality. Thus, many of my fellow fans and I mourned the show’s ending, feeling the loss of the ongoing saga of the characters whose lives we followed so faithfully.
Then, one day, it occurred to me that each weekday Micah and I reenact a scene similar to life at Downton Abby with Micah taking the role of Lord Grantham, and I acting as Mr. Carson, his butler. The reason this occurs most weekdays is because my role is to help Micah pick out his clothes, then to dutifully hand him each item of clothing until he is fully dressed. Now, before you parent- shame me by stating the obvious, that a 25 year old should be able to dress himself with out assistance, I will note that I fully agree with you, and yes, he can do that. However, weekdays we have a time limit to meet in order for Micah to head out to his day program and for me to get to work on time. I cannot wait out Micah even though it would be best for him to be independent. On the days that I have tried, I have found him in his room twenty minutes after his morning shower without a stitch of clothing on, arranging his wet towel on his bed. When found like that, I have on occasion, turned into psycho-mom asking my nonverbal son questions like “What in the world are you doing?” or “What does it matter that the towel has a wrinkle in it….don’t you know we both have to get out of here on time?” Of course all questions receive no response, but he is most likely thinking something like “And they think I have issues, why is she always in such a rush”? Thus, to save my waning sanity and ensure that we make it out the door on time, we have perfected our Lord Gratham/Mr. Carson dressing routine which can be completed in less than two minutes if I am fulfilling my duties correctly.
I am certain that most parents have been faced with the same dilemma of knowingly doing basic tasks for their children at times because it is quicker than waiting them out, but with typical children there is the realistic hope that they will one day be doing those tasks without support. For now, that training towards independent dressing occurs on weekends when there is the luxury of extra time to allow for things like his need for perfect towel arranging. But for the foreseeable future, on weekdays, I have chosen to take on the roles of two of my beloved fictional characters. This return to Downton makes for a better start of the day for both of us, which leads to a less stressful week and ultimately a happier life for each of us.
Jan Lessard Peightell August 11, 2019