Vacations can be especially stressful for family members with autism. Even small changes in routine can raise anxiety and trigger meltdowns, so a change as major as leaving home to stay somewhere else can be so stressful that vacations are sometimes cancelled or postponed to maintain some semblance of peace. We have been fortunate in that Micah has always liked to go for car rides with the family, in fact, we always said he was the best behaved of our three sons on trips as he sits quietly looking out the window while swaying to the music, unlike his brothers who tried to annoy each other when they got bored. The challenges on trips with Micah often began when we reached our destination as the new environment would need to be scanned quickly for possible dangers, while at the same time trying to connect with our hosts and enjoy some much needed time away from our usual routines.
We found the likelihood of actually having an enjoyable vacation is directly correlated to the warmth and flexibility of our hosts who have needed to tolerate some bizarre behaviors (not just Micah’s but the rest of us) while we settled in for a visit. Over the years we have been blessed with a few homes away from home that we know Micah feels so comfortable in that we can all enjoy the visit. These homes have been hard earned with their owners standing on guard with us to protect Micah as he tested the boundaries of the new environments.
Micah has always had incredible eye sight, which combined with his pica led to dangers that would not tempt typical children. On more than one occasion, our hosts have been left with their fragrant candles sporting teeth marks on them as Micah tended to sample the nice smelling delicacies he spotted across a room and bolted to taste before we could reach him. As frustrating as that obsession was, it was far more dangerous when he decided to sample plants or the gasoline that was innocently left by the lawn mower in a shed that the rest of us hardly noted but Micah zeroed in on probably the moment we arrived. On one memorable vacation to Florida Micah somehow managed to get up on the roof of our host’s house by going through an open window on the second floor and climbing up the sloped roof to the third floor roof. He showed no fear while casually checking out the view as we rushed with our hosts to his rescue while doing our best to appear calm so we would not frighten him. Incredibly, we were even invited back by these wonderful people, although I did note that their next Florida home was all on one floor.
Last summer Micah and I stopped by one of our favorite homes away from home for a visit while we were in my home town. When I asked if it was a good time for Micah and I to visit, the response from Fran, my former neighbor and lifelong friend, was an enthusiastic yes with her first question, “what kind of candy would Micah like”? She knew exactly how to help Micah feel instantly back at home. In fact, when we arrived he headed in, smiled and went through the kitchen and dining room to the living room to sit on the couch in the exact place he had sat the year before when we visited. He was as calm and relaxed as if he was still riding in the car. This probably seems like no big deal to most people, but it was a sign of comfort that was hard earned by years of unconditional love and welcome poured into my son. He knew he was safe and that he had a spot that was his in their home. I, in turn, could let down my guard and bask in the love and comfort of this home away from home where I did not have to explain why my son was sitting two rooms away from us, happily ignoring us while he rocked back and forth peacefully on the couch.
Sometimes life changes in a moment and the the warm loving woman who spent a lifetime making me, Micah, and countless others feel welcomed, loved, and safe was suddenly called home this month by the Host of the universe. She has a new home now and I have no doubt that she was warmly welcomed by the Lord with the words, “well done my good and faithful servant” as she spent her life sharing His love. As I have tried to wrap my mind around the enormous hole she has left behind in our hearts and lives, I have been reminded that we are all here for a season while we are being prepared to live in our forever home. For now, I am reminded to be thankful for homes that welcome us on this journey and to do my best to provide a safe and welcoming home to others; resting in the assurance that we will one day be welcomed home with love and perhaps our favorite candy when we join our Host and loved ones in the world beyond.
In Loving Memory of Francess G. Wright
April 27, 1943 – January 11, 2020
Jan Lessard Peightell
January 29, 2020
* Photo taken by Donald Urtz