They are not able to gather frequently due to distance and busy lives, but this past weekend Micah and his six siblings gathered at his brother Scott’s home for the first time since Josh and Jes’ wedding almost two years ago. It was a perfect summer day in a lovely setting. As I watched Micah swimming with family members in the pool, it struck me how happy he was in the center of the action. Micah was doing his own thing while the rest of the family were careful to give him space while they swam and played ball around him. Each of Micah’s siblings has their own unique way of interacting with him. As I watched they (as well as their spouses) checked in on him at random times throughout the day. Watching, I was reminded once again that Micah is blessed to have such caring, genuinely kind siblings.
I know it has not always been easy to be Micah’s sibling. Autism has impacted his behaviors in some bizarre ways which can try the patience of the kindest of souls. Having a sibling with his behavioral challenges and needs has stretched and strengthened them, but left some wounds as well. Ben, who is closest in age, probably had the greatest challenges as his younger brother’s autism demanded a whole different parenting book with different rules that his father and I tried valiantly to figure out as we went along. Often what worked with our “typical” children clearly did not work parenting Micah. This led to frustration on all our parts as we tried to balance Micah’s needs with the very real needs of his siblings. But despite the unfairness of living life with a brother with a severe disability, I know Ben would not hesitate to step up to defend and protect his brother if he was threatened in any way. Each of his other siblings would no doubt do the same.
As Micah spent hours in the pool, I watched how his tribe circled around him, continuing to give him space, but intermittently trying to connect with him with differing degrees of success. Micah is very good at tuning me out if I am attempting to encourage him to try something new, but is often far more likely to agree readily if one of his siblings asks him. His sister-in law, Erica showed him some glowing pool gadgets to dive for, that he not only liked, but once he rescued them from the bottom of the pool, he held onto them for the next couple hours while he continued to swim. This may not seem remarkable, but in general, Micah does not notice or like new things. His focus on the pool toys gave me a gift idea that Micah might actually be excited about for his next birthday…a rare find. But he does not have to wait until then, as Erica insisted he take the glowing gadgets home with him; yet another example of the kindness that circles our precious guy.
I continue participate on a parent committee working on creating long term housing options for adults with disabilities in New Hampshire. Through these meetings I have met many other parents who share my same concerns for their adult children with disabilities due to the current lack of appropriate resources. The meetings have reinforced the fact that Micah is blessed to have the support and protection of not only his sibling tribe, but of his extended family and friends tribe. Unlike some of the parents in my group, I am so fortunate to not be alone in the quest to make sure Micah is safe and well cared for. His tribe stands strong. A gift of infinite value as we march towards the future.
Jan Lessard Peightell August 15, 2023