For at least two or three years I have contemplated throwing out Micah’s favorite pajamas. Repaired, then worn beyond repair, the pj bottoms should have been discarded ages ago, yet they survive, I believe that we all have them; items that hold emotional value long beyond their usefulness has passed. Micah’s older brother had a special blanket for years that I repaired multiple times as it provided a sense of security for him through some tough years. It was only recently that he gave “blankie” a Vikings funeral in the fire pit by the barn, a bittersweet goodbye for both of us.
But the tattered pj bottoms that Micah adores represent a complicated love affair. I cannot recall when he was old enough to wear them as they were his father’s before him. After his father died I saved some of his clothing for Micah as all of the children had taken some items they wanted and I wanted Micah to have some things to wear as well. Micah was just 14 when his dad died so I don’t know if he recalls his father wearing the pajamas, but I do know that Micah, when he grew big enough to wear them, would wear them most every night of the year if given the chance. I am not sure if it is an emotional connection in his mind, or my mind, but unlike some of his other obsessions over clothing, he has not outgrown this one. Over the past couple of years he has been willing to wear one other pj bottom, but if given a choice, his go-to pjs are his hand-me down ones from his father.
Looking at them the other day, it occurred to me that the judge who renews my role of guardian over Micah each year, might think twice if he saw Micah wearing his tattered pjs. He certainly does look more then a bit neglected in them, despite the fact that he has a pile of perfectly pristine new pajama bottoms that he will not put on. Yet I ponder, what is the harm, he likes them and they bring him comfort, so why not let him wear them until they totally disintegrate (which by the looks of them may be quite soon)? But then the question of how to let them go comes up, as I can’t bear the thought of just throwing them out, which shows we both have an odd attachment to his favorite pajamas. I have looked in stores over the past few years to see if I could replace them with a similar pair but the color and fabric are not to be found today and there is no doubt Micah would spy and reject the imposter pjs immediately,
So, for now, it is not yet time for a “Vikings funeral” for his beloved pj bottoms, but it is time to introduce new pajamas to be broken in before his security pjs are beyond wearing. This means that his favorite pjs will have to disappear at least long enough to increase his willingness to tolerate the new ones, but hopefully not hurt an attachment that has served him (and to be honest, his mother) well over the years.
Jan Lessard Peightell February 19, 2022