Autism has taken many things from Micah’s life. Things like living independently, driving a car, even sharing how he feels verbally are not options for him. Less significant, perhaps, but still losses, at least from my perspective, are the parties he either does not enjoy or is not invited to, dating, trying to figure out career goals…etc. But thanks to his big brother, Micah did something this past weekend that this Mom never thought he would ever experience when he was a groomsman in Jes and Josh’s wedding.
Truth be told, when Josh mentioned wanting to have Micah in his wedding, I was pleased but my mind quickly went to all that could go wrong with this idea. But Josh was clear that he wanted all his brothers as groomsmen and added that Jes was asking Micah’s sisters to be bridesmaids so all the siblings would be part of their special day. So the planning began.
Josh was skeptical that the sizes that I gave him for clothing for Micah were correct, until he took him out shopping to be sized and found out what a big guy his younger brother actually is. Once his wedding clothing was ordered, we began to seriously consider the logistics of Micah’s participation in their outside wedding. The fact that they were to be married on a dock next to water could prove to be far too tempting for Micah to cope with given his love of water; not to mention walking across a sandy beach to get to the dock. Water and sand would test his ability to follow requests to the max. We carefully planned contingency plans if Micah decided to forgo the honor of walking calmly with the other groomsmen to the dock and standing quietly during the ceremony.
Other concerns leading up to the wedding day, such as a forecast predicting heavy rains, led to many requests to God to bring the sun back out so the outdoor wedding could actually take place as envisioned, thus pushing fears of Micah’s possible compulsive behaviors out of my mind the last few days before the big day. The sun did indeed shine the night of the rehearsal and as the groomsmen descended the hill to the beach, all seemed to be going smoothly until I noticed Micah’s focus was on the long grass he was supposed to walk calmly by. I was sure he was thinking how nice it would be to tear into that lovely grass. Thankfully his brothers kept him marching like a pro to the dock for the very brief practice session. The rehearsal was encouraging, but we knew that the big test would be at the wedding.
Fortunately, Micah’s aide Melody was able to come early on the day of the wedding to help Micah dress and wait with him while the rest of us prepared for the wedding. Micah does not like new clothes, but he wore them calmly, even it seemed, proudly, without complaint. We took some precautions; I was to walk Micah down the hill with Josh and the other groomsmen to make sure Micah made it to the dock with no detours. Once he was up on the dock he was positioned between his two older brothers, Ian and Scott. Once positioned it was apparent that the prayed for sun was brightly shining directly into the groom and grooms men’s eyes. The light was definitely bothering Micah, but he held it together for most of the ceremony with only one or two dicey moments when Scott had to gently catch his arm as he prepared to make an early exit from the dock. The wedding ceremony proceeded unhindered by any attempts by Micah to jump off the dock into the lake. My greatest fear of his participation was not realized, although his brother graciously said that if it happened, that would have been OK. Micah left the dock escorting his sister Jamie who kept him moving deftly back up the hill and then back down again for photographs.
By the end of the photo sessions, Micah had clearly had enough of the formal festivities and bolted for the woods so he and Melody ate their meal up at the house, overlooking the reception in a quiet location where he could observe if he wanted but not feel overwhelmed. I was sorry that he did not want to enjoy the food and dancing with everyone else, but that loss was mine, not his.
We have so many reasons to look back at the wedding with joy. The love between Josh and his lovely bride Jes; the time spent with treasured family and friends; the beautiful weather; and the ceremony that could have gone so wrong, but went so right. I believe Micah knows what an honor he was given to have the experience of being one of Josh’s groomsmen, a life experience that I had not expected for him. I know for sure this mother’s heart was blessed to see how his siblings helped him to rise to the occasion, to be one of the men standing by his brother on his special day.
Jan Lessard Peightell September 29, 2021